Boundaries
Last week I wrote about skydiving and literally leaping into the wild blue yonder. This week I am talking about setting boundaries, seems to be the opposite of being open and free.
But it really isn’t the opposite, setting boundaries complements being free.
This season has taught me that setting boundaries actually allows me to be more open, authentically me and free.
Boundaries may give us the image of walls. I used think that boundaries shut everybody out and kept me locked in. But I saw this quote that highlighted how boundaries differ from walls. “Walls keep everybody out. Boundaries teach people where the door is.”
Boundaries enable us to teach others and ourselves about our parameters that allow us to be our best selves. Healthy boundaries allow us to keep out what doesn’t serve us and keep in the practices that give us life.
I remember the very first time that I went to therapy ….. many years ago. Initially, I thought that the session would address a certain relationship issue that I thought was the problem. After pouring out my experience, the therapist looked at me and said, “Ms Spencer, this is about setting boundaries.” It was an epiphany, when we went back and reviewed my experience, it boiled down to me setting boundaries with myself and the other person involved. My assignment was to write down my boundaries and expectations and share it with the person. My therapist shared that the boundary would be tested and I was responsible to holding on to my boundary expectation.
The conversation wasn’t easy at all (Hint: The closer the relationship, the more difficult setting the boundaries. ) But as Nedra Glover Tawwab , the author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, shares, it was worth it.
“It’s true that setting boundaries isn’t easy. Paralyzing fear about how someone might respond can easily hold us back. You might play out awkward interactions in your mind and prepare yourself for the worst possible outcome. But trust me: short-term discomfort for a long-term healthy relationship is worth it every time!”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaliming Yourself
This could be the poster image of my relationship with Virtual Meeting Fatigue …. do you feel me?
We are in the midst of entering the second year of living in the midst of the pandemic. The need for boundaries is amplified even more. Working remotely has brought the office into the home, along with the added responsibility of the home becoming a workspace, classroom with multiple grades and a place to live. We are fatigued with virtual meetings which flow into every area of our lives. It is exhausting because the pandemic has blurred lines even more and the need for setting boundaries is even more important.
Setting boundaries guards our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being.
It begins with giving ourselves grace …… releasing ourselves from the necessity of the grind. I am grateful the brilliance and wisdom from Nedra Glover Tawwab. I began following her on Instagram years ago and her words and writings have grounded me during this season. Boundaries help us in every area and relationships in our life. As she shares, when we set boundaries, we find peace and reclaim ourselves.
“Boundaries to Consider-
I say no to things I don’t like.
I say no to things that don’t contribute to my growth.
I say no to things that rob me of valuable time.
I spend time around healthy people.
I reduce my interactions with people who drain my energy.
I protect my energy against people who threaten my sanity.
I practice positive self-talk.
I allow myself to feel and not judge my feelings.
I forgive myself when I make a mistake.
I actively cultivate the best version of myself.
I turn off my phone when appropriate.
I sleep when I’m tired.
I mind my business.
I make tough decisions because they’re healthy for me.
I create space for activities that bring me joy.
I say yes to activities that interest me despite my anxiety about trying them.
I experience things alone instead of waiting for the “right” people to join me.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab,